Every Moment with God

Just a catchy phrase from the sharing of Rick Warren. Indeed, an important reminder to me that in every moment, God is part of my life, my work, my family and my all.

Happy moments, PRAISE God
Difficult moments, SEEK God
Quiet moments, WORSHIP God
Painful moments, TRUST God
Every moment, THANK God

2008 - The Year That Was

2008 was certainly one of the memorable year. Lots of sweet memories as well as bitter experiences that had shaped and cherished the year, all playing the important role in spicing up my life. Indeed, 2008 marked another year of God's abundance providence, guidance and blessings.

Among the notable memories and experiences:
1) Two become "Wan" - the day when ZL and I made the commitment to love and cherish each other, before God, family and friends, till death do us part.

2) Penang to Oxford - the miraculous journey that led me to Oxford, where Jehovah Jireh provided everything according to His plan.

3) More-than-perfect Job - got the ideal job to prepare me intellectually for the Oxford journey and more important, enabled me to work and learn from three respectable Professors as well as some wonderful colleagues. They had unselfishly taught me many great lessons. Moreover, the job is awaiting my return in 2011 with more challenge and excitement.

4) Sickness - Never had I experienced more pain and fear in 2008 than all the years before this. For the very first time, I was admitted into a hospital, did 3 X-Rays, 2 MRIs, 1 CT-Scan and 4 blood tests, walked with clutches and sat in a wheelchair, all within the memorable 2008. But the grace of God, the love of my wife, the concern of my family and the support of friends carried me through these tumultuous months.

5) Many more uncountable experiences.

For the year 2008, all praise be unto God for the year that it was.

Finally.....I arrived

It has been such a painful delay. It really puts my perseverance to the ultimate test. I guess God just wants to test me out and prepared me for the three years to come.

Reflecting back, to be able to finally arrive in Oxford is another big manifestation of God's miracle. I would now think that if getting an offer for doctoral studies and fellowship to finance the three years was remarkable experience of tasting God's providence, then the painful experience of bedridden for 2 weeks and being able to walk again 2 weeks after that was truly God's grace.

During the painful period of sickness, I have at times given up hope of making it this year. Much thoughts have been given to deferring the course to the following intake. However, reflecting back, it seems like the plan is still for me to do it this year and I believe this incident was truly a learning experience in testing my perseverance, which I believe should come in handy for the next three years and after.

Yes, finally I have arrived in Oxford.

Setback to Miracle

It has been a miraculous journey since November 2007, beginning with me receiving an unconditional offer from a world-class university to pursue doctoral studies. Next came an unexpected opportunity to work in the area that I intend to pursue one month later. Who can ask for a better foundational preparation. Following that, the miracle continued with the unplanned and unanticipated offer of a fellowship, which technically I didn't apply. How could I not said this is a miracle where God has arranged everything for me.

Everything was shaping up smoothly towards my departure. Then came the setback three weeks before my scheduled departure. I was downed with leg pain, which was due to some problem in my back. I was technically bedridden for 2 weeks and this greatly jeopardise my preparation. Furthermore, I was even admitted to hospital for 2 days.

Now, although the pain has been drastically reduced, walking continue to be a painful act to do. I have postponed my depature for a week and now eagerly praying and hoping that I could walk painlessly this Sunday when I depart for this miraculous journey.

There has been thoughts in me, urging me to look forward to the challenge and excitement of the doctoral studies; yet another part of me struggled with the fear to go ahead with the journey bearing the pain in walking and venture in the unknown.

It has been a miracle so far. No doubt about it! My only prayer now is for God to grant me more faith in Him to continue the journey or seek His wisdom if the plan is for me to delay or defer the studies.

Lord, I give thanks for the miracle plan You have placed in my life. I seek Your guidance whether to continue the journey or delay it for me to fully recover. You are the God that guides as well as the God that heals. I commit into Your hands this decision and the subsequent challenges ahead. Thank you. Amen.

Feeling Back Home

Year 2008 marks my return to Penang after being away for more than 5 years. To add to the excitement of it, I have finally gotten a job that I am passionate and rewarding in Penang. That is really hard to come by.

Looking ahead this year with much enthusiasm. Many more exciting events are awaiting for me. I am certain 2008 will be a life-changing year, just by looking at the many important events lined up on my planner.

"God, I give thanks to You for everything in 2007. I continue to commit this year into Your loving hands and with full confidence that You will guide me through. Thank you, Lord. Amen"

Just another Junction

It has been a busy and stressful month. Lots of important things need to be done while juggling many equally important decisions to made. At the same time, I am also excited by the many major things happening soon.

I'm coming to another junction in life. Faced with many uncertainty and tough decisions. There are many roads lie ahead of me; some I prefer to travel, some I love to travel, some I hope I could travel while some I might have to travel.

Despite all these mixed feelings, I thank God for the re-assurance that He is there with me. The sermon on Sunday was about the pleasures and pains of leadership, drawing from the example of Joseph. I am reminded of the importance of God's presence in whatever circumstances. It has been a comfort to know that when God's presence is with us, things will eventually fall into place and success will be with us, even though our surroundings and the process might not be as we expected.

The quiet time with God for the past 2 days had also been encouraging, looking at the life of Daniel, who has also found much success in life through God's providence and guidance. Daniel reminded me of the perseverance and steadfastly standing firm on God's principles when things around us were not smooth-sailing.

Well, this junction is just another junction in life. The process is important but let me be reminded that the goal is even more important. For all I know, God is still there with me and nothing better could I ask for, just as describe by the chorus of the song "Still".

When the oceans rise and thunders roar,
I will soar with You above the storm,
Father, You are King over the flood,
I will be still and know You are God.
Still, by Hillsong

Make a Difference

Won't you Lord, take a look at our hands
Everything we have, we used it for Your plan

Won't you Lord, take a look at our hearts
Mold it, refine it and set us apart

We will run to the altar and catch the fire
To stand in the gap between the living and the death
Give us a heart of compassion
For the world without a vision
We will make a difference
Bringing hope to our land

I first heard this song, "Make a Difference", when I was volunteering at the NCO Training School in Ipoh in 2001. This period was one of the most challenging period of my spiritual walk with God. It was the time of slow recovering after a major "tsunami" in my spiritual life. The song meant to be my crying to the Lord and telling him the pain that is in me.

For the next few years, I came across this song a couple of times.

Then for the past two Sundays, this song have been sang during worship service, probably because it was International Mission Sunday. This time, the song brings a new dimension and understanding. It was now more of a cry asking God to use my life to fulfill His calling. That spirit within me is yearning to tell God, "I want to make a difference".

Looking at that, what remarkable blessings I have received from God since that crisis. Things have changed for the better and indeed God has used that dark point to become the turning point of blessings. Confidently, I can now tell God,

"Take a look at my hands and heart, use it for the purpose You intended for me to fulfill. I am willing to be the bridge over the gap in impacting the people You intended for me to impact. Take charge of my life in accordance to Your plan. Grant me a clear understanding of Your calling and provide all the support for me to accomplish the mission. Amen."

Appointment to Service

I had the honour of being selected to serve Malaysia through civil service's elite scheme known as the Administrative and Diplomatic Service. It was a highly sought-after service where every aspiring bureaucrats would want to be in. I remembered going through 3 stages of interviews and assessment before being appointed. Following that, I attended a 2-week induction course. Throughout the course, all the newly- appointed officers were being instilled and taught the true meaning of service to the country in their capacity as civil servant. At the end of the induction course, everyone waited eagerly for their name to be called and to be presented with the posting order. Three days after the posting, every officer will report to their respective ministry or department and began their career journey as civil servant. All of us were expected to perform our duties as a full-fledged officer, even before attending the 6-month course on public administration.

For the past few weeks, there was this question lingering in me about God's calling. I have pondered and reflected upon it. This morning at the worship service, God reminded me of the prestige and honour that I experienced serving Malaysia as a civil servant. Happy and proud moments in that 4 months of working experiences kept repeating itself. If these temporary moments of being a junior diplomat was such memorable, then I began to think of the wonderful possibilities of being a career diplomat for the higher Kingdom of God. Coincidentally, the pastor spoke about service in the sermon following the worship. She shared about the 3 truths of service:

1) Called to Serve - a calling for every Christian
2) Gifted to Serve - discovery of gifts through service and not service after discovery
3) Connected to Serve - illustrated the importance of every Christian as a piece of jigsaw to connect for the completeness of God's purpose

From then on, I began to reflect how God is calling me into His service, drawing from my previous experiences with the civil service. Firstly, the appointment comes without a destination. I do not know where will I be posted at the moment of appointment. Similarly, I know God has a calling for me, which is waiting for me to answer that appointment.

Secondly, officers do not have choices regarding their posting. All posting is subject to transfer within short notices. More importantly, the newly appointed officers were being told and taught to accept and perform to the best of their ability regardless of the posting. However, without doubt, posting will be related to the skills and speciality of each officer. Similarly, I understand that when I accepted God's appointment, I have subjected myself to His posting. As a servant, I just have to perform my best. However, I also have the same understanding that every posting comes with a purpose, either in accordance with skills and expertise or with a learning experience at the end of it.

Thirdly, every officers in the civil service aspired to be posted to the prestigious or powerful ministries, such as foreign affairs, public service, international trade, tourism or internal security. Although I was privileged to be posted to the foreign service, I left the service after merely 4 months. Though the experience was short, it has created a huge impact on me and my future career. It has provided unique experiences which broaden my perspectives and worldview yet at the same time helped to realise many more purposes in life. Likewise, God could call us to any ministry regardless of the importance and prestigious. It will be vital to fully understand the directive and instruction from the Highest authority, for us to fully achieve the objective.

Fourthly, officers were expected to perform in accordance to their position. There is no specific and sufficient training provided before the posting. Officers were expected to be capable of learning from their superior and colleagues and yet perform accordingly. The actual training only comes 4 months later after the officers were more settled in their position. From various Bible characters, God has similarly placed His servant into the thick and thin of actions without providing them with proper equipping and sufficient training. However, it reminds me that it was through our weakness that we hold more firmly to God and rely on His providence. I was being reminded again that God does not necessarily equip me fully and sufficiently before sending me out for the posting.

As for now, I might still be waiting for the posting and direction in life. However, I am certain God has called and appointed me to be His servant in various ministry. Perhaps I need to remain versatile and open-minded in order to be able to answer whatever posting awaiting me in the future. One certainly is the appointment is a diplomatic calling but this time a higher authority than my country. I am eagerly waiting for the appointment notification, "induction camp" and "posting order" before I kickstart my first mission.

Shock and Loneliness

The shock of seeing someone passed away in front of your eyes seems to have affected me more than I expected. I was still in a paranoid state of fearing being alone.

The question the counsellor asked was, "Does this problem of loneliness already existed?" If yes, perhaps the shock of such incident just escalated that feeling. I think perhaps he was right on this as I indeed felt lonely in Singapore despite the easy access of communication and not such a great differences in culture and lifestyle.

However, the next big question I began to ask following this incident is, "What God wants me to learn from this?" The more question I asked the more questions surfaced instead of answering it. In addition to that, I guess it takes time to get over the shock and then reflect on this moment. Certainly, I am not in the right frame of mind to reflect.

"Dear Lord, give me the courage to face all circumstances that I am facing. I acknowledge my weakness and inability to handle my emotions and fears in moment like that. Grant me the strength and carry me through these tough times. I commit myself into Your hands. Thank you Lord. Amen."

Second Blessing

What is my second blessing?

Well, I did not really appreciate it when I was growing up. I often took advantage of it. Just take whatever good from this blessing without even thinking of what have I contributed to make it into a better blessing.

I started to appreciate it the first time this blessing was taken away from me briefly, for mere 25 days. I seriously missed it, wept about it and very much wanted to gain it back as soon as possible as well as began to think of its importance to me. Although after regaining it again, I tend to forget its importance to me again.

Then in May 2002, this blessing was taken away from me. Occasionally I was given a taste of it for short period of time. Since 2002, the longest period of enjoying this blessing again was three months. Despite the fact that I could only enjoy this blessing occasionally and for short period of time, I have really learnt to appreciate it and thanking God every moment of it.

My second blessing was FAMILY!

Now being further apart from it, I thanked God for all the wonderful experiences He placed in my family. There were times of argument, disagreement, strife, quarrel, selfishness, self-centeredness; yet God was gracious to continue blessing me with a family.

As I am now in Singapore, my sister in Kuala Lumpur and my parents back home in Penang; I thanked God for it because although we were all apart physically, all of us know confidently that God stills connect us all through Him. What a blessing!

"Thank you God for family in playing the most significant part of development in my life. Thank you for all the past experiences, both good and bad. Help us to cherish all wonderful moments. Help us to love and contribute more to improve the shortcomings and weaknesses. God, continue to shower Your blessings on my family with good health and long lives. Amen."

First Blessing

What inspired me to start counting God's blessing? Well, I was sitting on the evening of 21 Oct 2006, feeling tired of studies, lonely and sad. As I was browsing through some old photographs, I felt so touched by how God has provided all the needs and guided me throughout these 24 years.

It was always easy for us to give thanks and count God's blessing in times of joy. Usually these sweet memories will last long and be cherished. However, as times past, we tend to remember the wonderful memories without the great appreciation of God's involvement.

On the contrary, when we felt dejected, it was difficult to count God's blessing. We tend to whine, complaint and blame God for putting us through these difficulties. No doubt, I was similar in such situation. I guess it's human's nature. However, after pasting through these torrid times, how many times do we actually looked back and give thanks to God for putting us through times of test and tribulation.

This first sharing of appreciation, with counting God's blessings as the focal of the blog, I have to thank God for making and molding me into the person whom I am. I strongly believe that every incident in life so far, is not mere coincident but was placed with careful and detailed planning of God.

"Thank you God for everything I experienced so far. Thank you for all that You provided, imparted and inspired to build me into what I am today. I acknowledge, You are the Potter and I am the clay. The process is ongoing and I believe, little by little, I will be changed and molded into the perfect person You intended for me to be. Amen."